The List and Working Around It

While going through my books, I came across my old diary. It is always refreshing to go down memory lane, but sometimes it catches you off guard especially when you realize how much things have changed. This diary, written around 7 years ago, made me realize how much I had given up and compromised in relationships. What I read was a list of qualities that my “Mr.Perfect” should possess. Every girl has that list, right?

And here I was now, thinking I had found “the one” when half of that list wasn’t even checked! How much had I compromised? And how much of what I had written at that point is even possible now (after knowing how tough the dating world is)?

So here’s the list, along with what I compromised and what I think now is a point that’s moot.  

• “Topping the list is communication. Sure, silence is golden, but a relationship is synonymous to communication and conversation. Knowing what your better half does, feels, etc is of utmost importance. While I’m sure that girls will always be more vocal than guys, I cannot deny that nothing beats an emotionally available, vocal guy!” (My Mr. Right Now is so emotionally withdrawn! His favourite activity is his work. Sure he listens to me, but when it comes to telling me about his day, his only description is “busy”. So much for communication.)
• “TIME is essence. A guy has just got to have time for you. There are no excuses, no explanations for being too busy.” (Like I mentioned- workaholic alert! I feel like laughing at myself.)
•  “Sense of humor! Everyone loves a guy who can make you and your friends laugh!” (Did I just forget how annoying it is when the guy uses humor as a defense mechanism to avoid emotional conversations?! So, though I still agree to the necessity of a good sense of humor; Correction: Everyone loves a guy who can make you and your friends laugh, but knows when to stop being funny and get serious.)
•  "The method of proposing: Since I live(d) in fairytopia, the perfect guy would be all mush and roses. I guess we’re never too old for romance! This is something that will probably stay on my list just as it is. *Sigh*" (He got this one right! What could beat going down on the knees in public just to ask a girl out!)
•  "A guy in touch with his emotions is the DREAM! “Sensitive guys make better boyfriends than macho insensitive pigs.” Enough said.

Well that is it for my list. But it sure makes me wonder what went wrong (or right). How did I get here? Did I just get realistic and decided not to check guys off for not being exactly all of that? When we are young, we’re taught of black and white, love and hate, right and wrong as polar opposites, but we learn from our experience that these coexist in shades of gray. Or could it be that I just decided to compromise because I lost hope? Everyone is rationalizing about how one should “settle” for Mr.Right Now– It could get worse than this!

It is probably best to not look for answers anymore. Maybe, I’ll take another 7 years to see how I got this all wrong too! I think the key to a relationship is happiness. If the degree of happiness is greater than the degree of hurt it causes, I guess it’s okay to settle.

Billy Joel aptly says in one of his songs: “Dream on, but don’t imagine it all come true”.