The Irrationality Behind The Pros and Cons List

In most relationships, it is very hard to let go. It might also be equally hard to stay put with the person who might have hurt you or whose needs are very different from yours. Relationships, especially at the verge of a breakup, are known to cause a severe avoidance-avoidance conflict that can take a toll mentally. A logical way that is often suggested to us is to make a pros and cons list to help us make our decision. But does that really work in the obvious way that people think it does?

MOVIE INSPIRATION: SEX AND THE CITY

This reminds me the movie “Sex and the City” where after Steve cheats on Miranda, they decide to undergo therapy. The therapist tells them to make a list of pros and cons and decide whether they want to be together or not. Miranda, as whoever has watched sex and the city will know, is the quintessential lawyer. She is logical, practical and sets down to argue both sides of the case. Her logic completely fails her and the time for her to announce her decision was close—what rescues her then?

Why, her irrationality of course. Her decision is based on a silly, fond memory with Steve. It required no afterthought whatsoever. And the moment she revisited the memory, she knew her answer- it was a done deal. Logical love is an oxymoron. Attraction might have some logic, lust definitely does; but not love. Any attempt to “think” feelings is a fail, and anyone who feels as if they have succeeded in doing so, PLEASE tell me how. 

PERSONAL EXPERIENCE

I remembered this scene because I was going through a relationship crisis and I sat down to make a pros and cons list so that in a logical way I could make a decision which I could communicate easily to my geeky boyfriend, who fails to understand my irrationality. I realized the same thing that Miranda did. Even though my list of cons was longer (with long distance—with us being in different countries, him being emotionally withdrawn, busy, etc), I realized when I was writing the pros – which included his honesty, my respect for him and the fact that he compliments me every day (just something as silly as that!) I knew I wanted to be with him.

Partly because a girl needs and likes to be complimented and desires a man who’s got the eyes for no one else but her; but also partly because I know that if I want to spend the rest of my life with someone, it has to be with someone who makes me feel wonderful each day. And in the long run, these little things matter. The big things do too, but they shall pass. It won’t be long distance forever and it may take him some more time but emotions have this knack of expressing themselves no matter how much you resist.  

I know my decision now, I’ve known it all along I suppose. Making a pros and cons list is like tossing a coin, you know what you want the moment the coin is in the air, and you know that you’ve known it all along.